Have you ever logged onto Venmo and thought “Hmmm I wonder why this guy is venmoing his wife?” Don’t lie. You know you snoop Venmo transactions. Everyone does it, NOT JUST ME, RIGHT?!
There are plenty of couples who keep finances separate and then use apps like Venmo or Zelle to exchange money when necessary. Then there are couples who combine everything! And then there are those of us who are somewhere in between! It’s chaos! It’s not, but I love to be dramatic.
Do you know which system is the best?
The one that works for you and your partner.
That’s it. That’s the end of the story. Whatever works best for you and your spouse/partner…BUT it must be a mutual decision, it must be equitable, and it must be communicated.
If you are married, or getting married, or you’re in a long-term committed partnership and need to figure out what financial system works best, it’s important to recognize the pros and cons. My personal opinion? I think a hybrid system works great and that’s what we do in our marriage. Combine certain accounts, but agree to maintain separate ones as well. Transparency and honesty are required.
Let’s break it down:
1. Combining Finances (Fully Joint)
Pros:
Simplicity: One set of accounts, one budget, easier to manage day-to-day.
Transparency: Full visibility into income, spending, debts, and goals.
Team Mentality: Reinforces the idea of “we” instead of “me and you,” which can build trust and unity.
Efficiency: Easier to pay bills, automate savings, and make large joint decisions (like buying a house or saving for kids' education).
More equitable if incomes differ: Everything goes into one pot regardless of who earns more.
Cons:
Loss of financial autonomy: Some people may feel like they’re giving up independence or control.
Potential for conflict: If spending habits, debt levels, or money values aren’t aligned, it can cause tension.
Complicated if you break up: Unwinding everything can be messy, especially without clear documentation.
2. Keeping Finances Separate
Pros:
Autonomy: Each person maintains control over their income and spending.
Accountability: Less likely to resent how the other spends if it’s “their” money.
Easier if values differ: If one is a saver and one is a spender, this can reduce friction.
Simplifies things in second marriages or with prenups/kids from previous relationships.
Cons:
Logistical complexity: Tracking who pays for what can get complicated, especially with shared expenses.
Perceived inequity: One partner may feel financial pressure if incomes differ greatly.
Less teamwork: May feel more like roommates than partners.
Hinders long-term planning: Harder to make unified financial decisions or plan for shared goals like retirement or college.
3. Hybrid System (Partially Combined)
Pros:
Best of both worlds: Joint account for shared expenses, individual accounts for personal spending.
Autonomy + transparency: Keeps independence while allowing teamwork.
Fair contributions: You can split shared expenses proportionally to income.
Reduces conflict: Each person has some money they don’t have to “justify.”
Cons:
Requires more communication: You need regular check-ins to ensure the system works.
Potential for confusion: Especially if the rules around who pays for what aren’t clearly defined.
Still room for resentment: If one person feels the other isn’t contributing fairly or is hiding spending.
Here’s a simple visual representation in case I’m too wordy for you! (I’m working on it lol)
If you are going to partially or fully combine, I recommend joint accounts for household and kid(s) expenses. I also recommend joint accounts for shared goals (emergency fund, house downpayment, vacations, etc.)
It’s okay to have separate accounts for individual goals and guilt-free spending as well! As long as both parties have complete transparency into these accounts, go ahead and save up for that special gift you want for yourself. And while I fully plan to be married to the same dude for the next 50 years (sorry, you’re stuck with me, Daniel), I do encourage all women to save up a nest egg for themselves in case life hands you an unexpected interruption. As Farnoosh Torabi often says, “a man is not a plan!”
I had an incredibly busy week so unfortunately I’ve decided to delay the debut of PARENT OF THE WEEK. Have no fear, we’re going to feature some kick-ass parents very soon.
Until next time my wonderful village,
Catie
PS - Would you mind sharing this with your friends? The more our Cents of Humor Village grows, the more fun content I’ll be able to share with you 🙂 Thank you!!