The Motherhood Penalty

Our newborn is now nearly a month old. It’s hard to believe how quickly April came and went! It feels like it’s been one long day. How long have I been wearing this shirt? When did I last shower? Why have I aged 30 years in 30 days? Having a newborn is simultaneously immense joy, expanding love, and extreme exhaustion. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. It’s falling in love with a new tiny human and wishing they would sleep for just ten more minutes. When you have a baby you will feel the full range of human emotions. Right now, I just feel hungry AGAIN…IYKYK.

You may have heard me mention I was laid off earlier this year. Not great timing, tbh! But such is life. As I look to reenter the workforce this summer, I’m considering all options - freelancing and consulting, full time jobs, starting my own thing, etc. I’m fortunate to be in a position where I have the freedom and a bit of time to look for the next right thing for me and my family.

Still, I’m extremely cognizant of the fact I may not make the same money I was once making pre-kids. I might not get the “Head of”/”Chief of”/”Director of” positions I once held or was on track to attain. I may even have to work part-time to meet the needs of my family for a bit. It’s no secret women’s careers suffer when they start families. It’s a fact that’s been well documented. Did you know when women have a baby their salary decreases on average, but men see a bump in pay? Cool beans! In fact, the name for this is “the motherhood penalty”. I love a society that encourages women to be mothers but then also PENALIZES THEM. Excuse me while I harness my overtired mom rage. I was cocky in thinking I could avoid the motherhood penalty, but alas, here I am living through it.

Again, I’m one of the lucky ones. I have a partner who can support the family, but I love having a career. I like to be challenged professionally and to flex my creative muscles. I enjoy making my own money. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I love being with my girls, but I also want to show them that you can have it all — just not at the same time. I want to set a good example and pursue my ambitions. That’s what my mom wanted for me, and that’s what I want for my girls.

As I navigate life with two small children and this turning point in my career, I’m acknowledging the motherhood penalty is real and I see you other moms out there dealing with the same. It ain’t easy! And as I slowly emerge from this newborn haze (she is literally asleep on my chest as I type this — mom’s really can do it all!), I’m learning this new chapter in my life is going to look a lot different than my last, and that’s okay. I saw an instagram post the other day that really hit home for me. I can’t remember exactly what it said (I do a lot of late night half-asleep scrolling while nursing this kid), but basically the message was — “You will make money again. You will save money again. You will sleep again. You will get back to yourself.” I know this is true. The motherhood penalty sucks and we should absolutely continue to address it as a society, but I’m also not going to let it discourage me as I enter this new professional phase. I do know I’m going to do what’s best for me and my family and I’m not sure what exactly that looks like right now, but I’m excited to find out.

Now excuse me while I do a little self-care**

**eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

For now, if you or your company is interested in having me speak, write, or consult - check out my site or reply to this email and let’s chat!

-Catie