The Modern Day Village

It’s a saying you’ve heard a million times before - “it takes a village!”

As a tired mother of a toddler and a newborn, I can confirm, yes, it does in fact “take a village” to raise a child. But who is a part of this village? What are they doing? How often do they show up at your house with wine?

I’ve been reading a lot of Internet chatter regarding the lack of “villages” in modern day parenting. There’s a lot of truth to this. The pandemic didn’t help. The increasingly individualistic society we live in doesn’t help. The fact that we spend the majority of our lives online also doesn’t help. Still, I don’t believe the idea of a supportive village has disappeared and I think, in many ways, it’s evolved.

Back in the day, my grandmother raised six kids and I often think about how she managed this incredible feat without going certifiably insane. While I’m sure she had moments of weakness, she also lived in close proximity to her sisters, was active in her church, and had friends and relatives that comprised her “village”. I’m sure her house was chaotic and loud, but the concept of a village was integral to communities back then. It was a given, parents, especially mothers, would be supported.

Cut to 2025.

I’ve lived in my town for nearly three years and I’ve met like six people. This is mostly my own fault. I’ve been super busy with work and raising kids and have limited free time. But I’m also a stereotypical millennial who enjoys staying home and watching Netflix and doomscrolling social media. I don’t socialize nearly as much as I used to.

I also don’t live near my sister or parents. I don’t even live close to my best friends. I work remotely. This leads to a lack of a village. And I’ve decided to work on it. I’ve also decided to redefine what a “village” means.

1. I’m going to make friends. Naturally, I’m starting to socialize more as my rambunctious 2 year old enters the world. She forces us to talk to people, and that’s not such a bad thing I say begrudgingly. It’s nice to meet other families in our same season of life. I like that my toddler is fearless and loves making friends. She’s bringing me back to the girl I once was, a teen who won her school’s “Most Outgoing” superlative! (20 year reunion coming up…go Blue Devils).

2. Texting counts. I totally think your village can show up for you digitally in this day and age. I am on a group chat with my closest friends from high school. We talk EVERY DAY. Some days we’re discussing kids, careers, and things happening in our hometown. Other days we’re chatting about true crime obsessions and then venting about every small grievance in our life. They are truly my village. We don’t all live in New England anymore so we physically can’t get together very often. But they still show up for me all the time. They are my iMessage village. I hope I am theirs as well.

3. Professional villages are important too. As a working mom, I think it is crucial to have other women in your industry to look to as role models and mentors. Women showing up for other women in a professional sense is a modern day village as well. Recently I’ve gotten some great advice from some C-suite moms I really respect. I was on a call with one of these said moms and she offered to hire me for a consulting project this summer. I was ecstatic! When she asked me my rate, I panicked a little and gave her a range I thought was fair. She literally said, “Catie. No. That’s way too low. I charge $$$ per hour when I consult.” And then she proceeded to DOUBLE my rate. This is women supporting women, y’all. This is a villager showing up for a mom trying to get back into the workforce. She could’ve saved her company money, but decided it was more important to pay me what I’m worth. I hope to pay this forward someday. Hell yeah.

4. All of you. You let me express my thoughts on parenting and money weekly and I am declaring you part of my village. Welcome to Crazytown. I also love getting feedback and comments from you guys.

5. Other people in my village. Here’s a list of people who I consider villagers in my parenting journey:

   Ms. Rachel - IYKYK

   Elmo & Cookie Monster

   Kendrick Lamar - Kids LOVE his music??? My daughter listens to the clean versions of his songs and is, I kid you not, OBSESSED.

   My daughter’s music teachers - again, my kid loves music and her teachers are amazing. My husband and I have zero musical talent.

   My OBGYN who is my age - I can ask her anything and everything. I love that she’s also an elder millennial who has now guided me through two pregnancies and a bout of PPD/A. Shout out Dr. Kim!

Your village doesn’t have to look any certain way. Create your own village filled with your own supportive people and/or Sesame Street characters and Ms. Rachel. Text your parenting friends. Check in on them. Our village is ready to grow!

-Catie