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When I was a kid, making friends came very naturally to me, even though I was a bit on the shy side early on. Neighborhood friends, school friends, sports friends… meeting new people who turned into lasting relationships was just a part of life. Then I became an adult who works from home. Suddenly, making friends wasn’t so easy. Now I find myself on the brink of turning 40 and searching for local mom friends. Why? Because science says we need it. Research shows mom friends help improve maternal mental health, well-being, and even child development.

The Emotional ROI Is Absurd

Motherhood is the first job most of us have had where there's no onboarding, no manager, and the only performance review is a toddler screaming, "I HATE THIS FAMILY" over broccoli. You need a co-worker you can vent to and with. Someone in the trenches who understands that "self-care" this month means taking a shower without hearing your name called or just finding 20 uninterrupted minutes to exercise.

Good mom friends are a built-in support group, a free therapist (unlicensed, but weirdly effective), and a walking reminder that you're not, in fact, ruining your children…you're just tired, and so is she, and somehow that's comforting.

The Financial Case Nobody Talks About

Now, because I can't help myself, let's talk numbers, because your tribe is also a budget line item you didn't know you had.

Mom friends are a hand-me-down economy unto themselves. From clothes to equipment, you can save your money and sanity with mom friends.

Then there's the intangible savings: emotional regulation is expensive when you outsource it entirely to professionals and/or retail therapy. A parental-tribe is a free service that provides invaluable quality to your life. (Although you should still seek professional help if needed!)

Finding Your People (Without It Being Weird)

I know "finding your tribe" sounds like something stitched onto a farmhouse-style throw pillow, but the actual process is far less serene. It usually involves making prolonged eye contact with a stranger at a pediatrician's waiting room while both your children sneeze and cough over the shared germ-infested toys, and one of you finally says, "This is a lot, huh?" Congratulations, you've just performed the parenting equivalent of a corporate networking event, except with more bodily fluids involved.

Look for friends at library story time, in the group chat that started as "school stuff" and became your entire personality, or in that one mom at pickup who always looks as exhausted as you feel. Find the mom with the messiest bun and food-stained shirt and say hello. Bond over the shared trauma of nap transitions. Trade toddler snack hacks like they're stock tips. Put yourself out there.

You will spend money on strollers, preschool, and an unreasonable number of snack pouches. But the investment that actually pays dividends (in sanity, in savings, in the simple relief of someone saying "me too") is the mom friend you didn't know you needed until she showed up with tacos and zero judgment.

Budget for her. Emotionally, financially, whatever it takes. She's the best line item you'll ever add.

I write this as someone who needs to heed my own advice. And I’m starting to do that! I recently met a group of women who do what I do — talk about personal finance while raising small humans. Although meeting new people and getting to know them takes time and energy, I’ve found the return on investment far outweighs the effort.

Until next time, Villagers!

-Catie

Announcement! Announcement! My show Vape! The Grease Parody is opening in Chicago next month! Tickets are on sale now. For all my Midwest friends, I think you’ll really love it, and I appreciate the support! 🙂